Shpanksgiving Thankfulness

Rule Number 586: The only thing constant in one’s life is change. If only I could explain just how true this is! Since being in Germany I have found that nothing is what I expected it would be, and furthermore, as soon as you think you have things figured out, you find out that you actually don’t.

Case in Point: Blue signs with a big white “P” mean you can park in that particular spot. Fallacy. I got a parking ticket there. Reality? As an American who doesn’t speak German, your best bet is to park in an overpriced parking garage.

Of course, parking seems somewhat menial in comparison to other, bigger things, but you get the point.

Anyway, between housing issues and financial worries, things here are still somewhat stressful, and ever-changing. Of course if you ask my family (really, go ahead and ask them) if my stressors are legitimate stressors, or if it’s “Tawni Stress” as my sister so lovingly refers to it, they would tell you that it’s all “Tawni Stress” and really not a big deal. Yet somehow I always find a way to worry myself to the point of illness… literally. If nursing school taught me anything it’s that my immune system isn’t as resilient as I would like to think it is. Flashback to finals last semester… conjunctivits + rhinovirus + strep throat = complete and utter misery. Sidenote: Thankfully my finals still went really well.

Soooo… right now I am just hoping that things will be settled before Christmas. My poor brain is so tired of worrying and I’m just hoping for a nice relaxing Christmas season.

Apart from everything not so good that’s been going on, I have a lot to be grateful for (very apt, considering it is Thanksgiving month). So here is my Thanksgiving Thankfulness List:

First is the opportunity to be in Germany, the traveling opportunities here are endless. This past weekend I was able to visit Luxembourg and go see General Patton’s gravesite. At this cemetery there are 5,076 servicemen (and one woman) buried there. To look out on all the headstones and realize that these people made the ultimate sacrifice on behalf of our nation, and on behalf of us, was absolutely amazing! It makes me so proud to be part of something bigger than myself, even though I can by no means compare what I am doing with what these servicemen did. I am truly grateful for their sacrifices.

Second, I am grateful for my family. Now I don’t often get mushy and sentimental, it’s just not how I roll, but I think they should know how much I appreciate them. They have always supported me in everything that I do, and I can’t thank them enough. They’ve helped me through multiple breakdowns and reminded me that, as my mom often says, “it is what it is,” and “this too shall pass.” And I know she’s right; time seems to help with most problems. So anyway, I will certainly miss my fam-bam this holiday season, but it only makes me even more appreciative of Skype!

And although the list could go on forever, I should probably wrap it up before you all get bored of reading. So finally, I am thankful for my little gatos. For my Fishbone who I miss more than words can say, and for Simba, my bipolar kitty. They have taught me what it means to really love someone. Now I know this sounds weird, because aren’t we born into families that we innately love? My answer to this is yes. But that’s just it, it’s an innate love. I don’t think we really realize how capable we are of loving when we grow up just expecting to love our family and be loved in return. So when we first got our Simba, to be honest, I was a bit scared of her, I mean she did attack my face in my sleep on more than one occasion. But I quickly found that the thought of life without here was a terribly sad one. And then we somewhat inherited/adopted Fishbone, and my fear of being able to love two cats as much as I loved one was abolished. These two cats have been one of the best things that has ever happened to me and everyday I am thankful for them. And yes, I will likely be the crazy cat lady when I get older; I’ve already accepted it, so pass judgment as you please.

So in light of this Thanksgiving season, I wish you all a very happy Thanksgiving and bid you adieu for now!

Europe + Pastries = Ambrosia

News Flash! Being in Germany is basically as awesome as it sounds. My travels have been quite limited at this point, but the pastries alone are worth coming here for. The other day I ate a glazed pretzel- that’s right, I said glazed- that had pudding in the pretzel holes… you know, the part of the pretzel on either side of the twisty center. It was delicious! Naturally I couldn’t help but return to the bakery, so the second time I went I got some sort of twisty, cinnamony thing; it was also delicious. So there you have it, everyone should visit Europe if for no other purpose than to partake of the heart-attack-inducing, guilt-ridden, delicious baked goods.

On another note, I actually did take my first “trip,” so-to-speak, this weekend. I traveled to Heidelberg, Germany, which is about an hour and 45 minutes on the train from where I’m staying. No, it wasn’t Paris or Venice, or anything quite that exotic, but it was a good way to break the ice and start my travels.

While I was there I saw the Schloss Castle, Heidelberg University, a church whose name slips my mind, and a few other attractions. The city was beautiful! I will post some pictures below…

Oh, and not to get tangential as is customary for me, but I think I might end up with multi-organ dysfunction while I’m here; not related to the deliciously fattening foods (although I'm sure they'll contribute), but to dehydration. Did you know they charge almost four dollars for a bottle of water at some restaurants??? Gone are the days of free water. Whatevs, I’m sure I’ll survive… even if I end up with only one kidney or a diseased heart. It’s all part of the experience, right?

Anyway, so far things here are going really well! I’m sure I will have many more travels in the future to tell tales of, but for now I say “tschuess!”

What I've Learned

1) My blow dryer won’t work in Europe without a transmitter? Transistor? Oh crapola, I can’t even think of what the dumb thing is called!

2) Apparently being a nurse = a lot of sitting around at a hotel while my nursing knowledge slowly seeps away.

3) Chips Ahoy cookies (preferably of the chewy variety) and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are true delicacies when your only way to cook food is with a microwave.

4) It’s okay to sleep until 11:00 or noon when you can use the excuse, “I’m suffering from jetlag.”

Side Note: I don’t know how long I can get away with this particular excuse.

5) AFN (Armed Forces Network) does not provide enough entertainment to fill a weekend.

6) The Army actually gives me way too much money for a house… What kind of single person needs enough money to get five bedrooms and three bathrooms? I guess that’s why I went to school for four years…

7) Being directionally challenged is bad in the U.S., but it’s worse in Germany.

8) English is NOT a Germanic language! I don’t care what they say, but German doesn’t even seem to resemble English in the least little bit.

9) LTs really are at the bottom of the food chain… I hate being called “ma’am” by enlisted soldiers and NCOs who have been in the Army for years because a) they know way more than I do, and b) they hate having to say it even more than I hate having to hear it.

10) Even in Europe the first question people ask when they hear I’m from Utah is, “Are you Mormon?” The stereotype lives on. And no, I don’t have three sisterwives and 36 kids. Geez!

11) I really do miss the United States; this includes fairly easy access to all of my favorite people in one way or another, and Cafe Rio on a frequent basis.

12) Too much free time isn’t actually a good thing… it leads to thinking, which I have found doesn’t actually benefit one who is a habitual worrier.

13) Laundry still won’t do itself. I’m working on this one.

14) Only being able to see a little screen with my face on Skype makes it much more bearable to use.

15) And finally… as hard a transitional time as this is, I must “bloom where I’m planted” knowing that pretty soon things will be awesome!

Whirlwind Week in the States

Wow! What a crazy couple of weeks it has been! I feel like I’ve been on a rollercoaster with no barf bag available; I only mean this in the sense that everything that has happened recently has turned my world upside down and I feel like I haven’t really had any time to adjust to anything. Hopefully things start normalizing pretty soon.

Anyway, I guess I’ll start back to when I first got back to Utah after completing BOLC.

The night I landed in Utah I got off my plane and waited for my dad’s flight to come in. There was no going back to Riverton that night; we headed straight to Logan for my grandpa’s graveside service. This was definitely not exactly what I would call a happy reunion with all of my family, but it was necessary, and I am grateful for it.

The morning after I got to Utah was when the service took place. Talk about a difficult day! As we were walking to the gravesite, I saw that my grandpa’s casket was already there. But I was doing okay for the moment because he was still in the hearse; I couldn’t actually see the casket just yet. So while we waited for the service to start, we mingled with many people coming to pay their condolences (kind of overwhelming, especially when you only know 10 percent of them). At this point, I was starting to realize what had happened, but in all actuality it was still a bit surreal for me. I mean it felt like just yesterday that my grandpa was giving me my Oath of Office; how could he be gone?

Finally, my brother, dad, two uncles, and two cousins went to get the casket out of the hearse. It was a solemn experience for sure. There was my grandpa’s body, in a casket, draped with a United States flag. Yep, that was it for me. The emotionless person I am was apparently no longer emotionless.

As the service neared an end I was given the opportunity to present my grandma with the flag on top of the casket. Now THAT was difficult. As I saluted the old man who handed me the flag, I turned to give it to my grandma and struggled to gain my composure. When I finally did, I was able to barely audibly, I’m sure, hand over the flag and say, “On behalf of a grateful nation, we present you with this flag.” I’m sure I butchered it, but really, does it matter? Being able to do that was one of the hardest, yet proudest moments of my life. As I often like to remind myself, it’s the little things. J

The rest of my week at home seemed to speed by all too quickly. After returning to Riverton I was able to see family and friends before I left. These were bittersweet moments. It’s always great to see the people who matter the most in your life, but that makes it even more difficult to say goodbye. I kept thinking to myself, “when do goodbyes get easier?” I feel like over the past three weeks I have had to say more goodbyes than a person should ever have to. And when my mom and sister dropped me off at the airport to leave for Germany I think it finally sunk in how real this all is. I had been saying goodbye after goodbye, knowing in the back of my head that it would be a while (for some, a LONG while) until I would see these people again, but walking towards the security check it finally hit me; I was leaving, to a new continent, and probably wouldn’t see my friends and family again for at least six or seven months… if I was lucky. Living in denial before leaving seemed so much better, but let me tell you what… when reality hits, it doesn’t hit softly.

So now, here I am, in Germany, carless, phoneless, and without a place to live. It’s tough. People say, “Oh, you’ll love Germany!” and I’m sure I will… eventually. But right now I’m in the transitional phase. I know that once I meet some more people and start making friends that things will change for the better. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m still fully aware of how lucky I am to be in Germany, it’s just going to take some getting used to. In the meant time, I still miss you all and hope that everything stateside is going well! Keep in touch! Emails, Facebook messages, etc. are always appreciated! And as the Germans would say… Guten tag!

P.S. I apologize for the lack of pictures. I will post more as soon as I can!

The Best of BOLC

You know that moment when you meet someone and you know that your life is going to be changed forever? Well, as I leave Ft. Sam Houston, Texas, I feel blessed to say that I have met more than one “someone.”

Back in July, I begrudgingly left Utah to go to the heat and humidity of Texas where I was absolutely positive that this was going to be a “get through this” experience, a “hoop to jump through.” Now don’t get me wrong, BOLC was a bit comical as far as Army training is concerned, and in that sense it was a hoop to jump through. But what I didn’t expect was to make so many great friends who would turn my time at BOLC from a “get through this” experience to a time in my life that I was sad to see end.

While at BOLC, I endured 107 degree heat, seemingly endless humidity, greasy hair (a true hardship for me as those of you who know me would understand), and death-by-PowerPoint for what seemed like 12 hours a day, every day. But, all these “hardships” seem a small price to pay for the relationships I formed.

As I think about all the awesome times the “Six Pack + 1” had, there are a few that stick out in my mind more than the others. One of these was just a few weeks ago; our “Six Pack” was still a newly formed group and I probably still wasn’t totally ready to be myself around these people (when you’re as much of an oddity as I am you have to be careful letting people see your true colors). We were watching a movie in the hotel lobby when I saw I had missed a call from my mom. So I went outside to return the phone call; what I heard when I answered the phone wasn’t exactly a surprise, but it also wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear. My mom proceeded to explain to me that my grandpa- who had been in the ICU- wasn’t getting any better, and that in fact he was getting worse. She explained to me what was going on, and my medical-minded brain started racing. Perhaps my experience in nursing is somewhat limited, but I knew enough to know that my grandpa wasn’t doing well; I knew he wasn’t likely to make it much longer.

After getting off the phone, I returned to the lobby to grab some things I had left in there and to say goodnight to my friends; I thought I could hold myself together long enough to say goodnight to them… but I couldn’t (a rarity for me since I have about as much emotion a rock). As I proceeded to have a mini break down, one of my fellow Six-Packers took me outside to talk. While we were talking, he made me realize that it was more important for me to try to get home to see my grandpa one last time than it was for me to go play Army in the field. So with his reassurance and help I was able to make the necessary arrangements to get home to spend some time with my grandpa.

Maybe this friend will never read this, or will never know how much that meant to me, but it was that night where I realized that I was making true friends, people I could be myself around, people who would accept me and all my eccentricities.

So, per usual, I have gotten a bit tangential with my writing; I digress. Anyway, here I sit, at the airport, after WAAAAY too many goodbyes, waiting for my flight back to Utah with mixed feelings. I am so glad I will make it back to my grandpa’s graveside service, and I can’t wait to see my friends, family, and gatos back at home. But on the other hand, I leave the “heat and humidity of Texas” with a heavy heart, not knowing when I will next see my new friends. So, as my friend Sudds did, I want those of you who helped me the most to know how grateful I am to have met you…

- Deb: If only September 20^th had come a bit sooner. Ha ha! But seriously, thank you for the laughs and the delicious Mexican food in the field. You taught me so much about what “selfless service” really means, even though you probably don’t realize it.

- Sudds: Whether you like it or not, you will always be a big teddy bear. You are the hardest-working, sweetest guy I have ever met. It is always so inspiring to meet people like you who go above and beyond to do and be the best. I would follow you into war any day.

- Shep: Oh, Shep-teezy… I will never forget the first day we met and I gave you lengthy, ridiculous instructions on how to get to the vending machines. You probably thought I was nuts… little did I know how much of a commonality that would be for us! Your humor always put a smile on my face. “I carry a rape whistle!”

- B-Rad Licious: The one who brought us together. Your good attitude, outgoing nature, and happy face are absolutely contagious! Thank you for being the light the moths gravitate towards. I’m convinced that you are the biggest reason we all became so close.

- Sir Matticus: Even though I’ve known you for over four years now, I still feel lucky as ever to be your friend. I have never seen you in a truly bad mood, and when I’m around you I want to be happier, more optimistic, and generally a better person.

- Cali: Our “+1.” How I will miss your gorgeous face and random humor. Talk about a marvelous addition to the “Six Pack!” You completed us! J

- Trina: The best roommate I could have EVER asked for! From day one I knew we would get along just great… and we did! Thank you for annihilating me on Words with Friends and teaching me that it’s okay to lose every once in a while. And thank you even more for always providing me with a laugh or a good talk!

- Sabrina: May the cynics unite! I’m so glad I had you to commiserate with through the monotony of our never-ending PowerPoint lectures. Thank you for being a great bunk buddy, and a great battle buddy as well!

- Melinda: After the hell of nursing school and our many other ups and downs we’ve helped each other through, I am happy to add BOLC to the list of things we endured together. I am certainly sad that the goodbyes are for a much longer time this time around, but I am eternally grateful for the friendship that started with, “You need to take your earrings out.”

So to the “Six Pack +1” (and a few others), good luck in your endeavors and adventures and I will count the days (innumerable though they may be) until we reunite!

Yippy Skippy! My first post!

I’ve never really been interested in blogging. Yes, I enjoy reading other people’s blogs, but I have never wanted to write my own. I have always thought a couple of things in regards to blogs, the first being, “Blogging is kind of like scrapbooking (which I hate). It’s an ‘arsty fartsy’- as my mom and I would say- way to display photos and such to other people.” The second thought was, “I doubt I’d be very good at blogging anyway. Nobody would be interested.” But then this crazy thing happened… I was told I was going to be stationed in Germany.

Germany; not exactly in the United States. I was prepared to be told I was going anywhere in the U.S., but I was not prepared to hear that I would be leaving the country. I then immediately thought, “How am I going to communicate with all my family and friends back home?” And then it came to me… the blogging that I had become so adamantly opposed to doing. So here I am, with a newfound appreciation for blogging. I will try posting about my adventures, or lack thereof- “try” being the operative word, but make no promises. Also, please bear with me as my writing skills leave something to be desired.

So I suppose to start this blog, I should go back a few years to where my new adventure started…

As a junior in high school I was already worrying about how I was going to pay for college… not something most high school kids are all that concerned about, I’ve always been a bit on the “weird” side. I remember talking to my parents about my options. I had always wanted to be a nurse, ever since I can remember. However, I was also acutely aware of how competitive it was, and still is, to get into a good nursing program. So now I was faced with two dilemmas: how to pay for my degree and where I was going to get it.

My parents suggested, to my initial dismay, doing ROTC. I had no idea why they thought that would be a good fit for me, I mean really, I was shy, awkward, and certainly not ready to take on such a “scary” commitment. I staved off their frequent reminders that I could apply for an ROTC scholarship with comments such as, “It’s just not for me,” and “I just don’t want to do it.” But then something happened, and to this day I can’t figure out what it was, but I had a change of heart and/or mind. I decided that I might as well apply for the ROTC scholarship(s), and if it was meant to be, I would be offered one of them; and if it wasn’t meant to be then I wouldn’t be offered anything.

I proceeded to apply for ROTC scholarships through the Army, Air Force, and Navy. While interviewing with the then-current Battalion Commander at the University of Utah (where I was planning on attending nursing school), I was told that if I was awarded the scholarship I would be able to attend nursing school at Westminster. To say I was shocked at this discovery would be an understatement; I was completely elated! Westminster was to me, the “rich people’s” school. Although I would have loved to go there, I had convinced myself that it wasn’t an option. I just couldn’t afford it. But now it was almost a reality. I felt like the dog with a treat dangling in front of its face; my dream was so close, yet still so far.

Following my interview with the BC at the U of U, I proceeded to interview with the Air Force and the Navy, both of which also seemed to have good offerings for me. Now I just had to play the waiting game and see if any of the scholarships came through.

After what seemed like forever (in retrospect it was probably only a couple of weeks) I received my first offer… from the Army. It was impressive. I was being awarded full tuition and fees, to include book and spending stipends, to either the U of U or Westminster. I remember thinking, “Stuff like this doesn’t happen to people like me!” I accepted the scholarship, thrilled with the offer and the opportunity.

Then came the offer from the Navy, a similar one as that from the Army and equally appealing. I admit, I wondered if I had done the right thing by accepting the Army’s offer before anything else was able to come through. But my loyalty is what kept me with the Army; my loyalty and my faith that things were working out the way they were for a reason that probably wasn’t known to me just yet. So I was set, I had my scholarship, my acceptance letter to Westminster, and I was only a junior in high school. Life was looking great!

And with the faith that everything would work out for the best and that this was what I was meant to be doing, I graduated high school and headed for Salt Lake to attend Westminster College and be part of the Ute Warrior Battalion ROTC.

As I progressed through both the ROTC and the Nursing program, I had several opportunities that I know I never would have had had I not accepted that scholarship. One of which was the opportunity to work as the UWB C/CSM (Cadet Command Sergeant Major). I had a hard time believing I was being offered such a “high-up” position at first. This is a position usually given to males, and NEVER given to a nursing cadet. Yet I had been chosen. This led to another, “I can’t believe this is happening! Stuff like this just doesn’t happen to me” moment.

When I was first given this leadership position, I was still very unsure of my leadership abilities; I had very little belief in myself. But deep down I knew I had been given the position because somebody believed in me, whether or not I did too was irrelevant. I had to show this person/these people that I could be the leader they saw in me. Along the way I have no doubt that I made mistakes; I was certainly far from perfect, but I always gave my all and then some. There were times when I hated myself for not achieving perfection in the C/CSM position, and I constantly feared letting the people down who I looked up to the most. But in the end, I realized that being a good leader isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being confident, approachable, and willing to help others. I will be eternally grateful for this opportunity that taught me these things.

Another great opportunity I had was NSTP or Nurse Summer Training Program. It is a program designed specifically for ROTC nursing cadets to allow them to travel to an Army hospital and work one-on-one with a nurse taking care of patients and seeing what a nurse in the Army really does.

Originally I was slotted to go to a hospital in Georgia. The prospect of July in the heat and humidity of Georgia, coupled with the fact that I would have little access to cities and entertainment left me less than thrilled. But I quickly reminded myself that it was going to be a great learning experience, one that I was lucky to get. Then, not too long after I had found out I was heading to Georgia, I got a phone call asking if I would rather go to NSTP in Hawaii. Seriously?! Of course I would rather go to Hawaii! Once again, I found myself thinking, “There is no way this is happening! Stuff like this just doesn’t happen for people like me.” But it did happen, and I was able to gain immeasurable clinical experience while also being able to travel Hawaii.

So what have I learned after four great years of college, during which I met
some of the best friends I have ever had, made it through a grueling nursing
program,learned from some of America’s best leaders, and gained the self-
confidence I never had before?  I learned that sometimes stuff that “just
doesn’t happen to people like me” actually does happen when you take that
one little leap of faith.