Mind Over Matter

Some people write for enjoyment, some people write because they have to (I’m having a flashback to all those history papers I’ve had to write that taught me how to use big words and lots of quotes to meet my minimum word requirement), some people write because it’s their job.  I write because it’s therapeutic… oh, and because I’m awesome at it.

I think today is definitely going to be a therapeutic writing session, I really need to talk a little bit, and as we all know, the MacBook is the best place to do it.  I mean the MacBook doesn’t judge, and it sits in silence and lets you rant on and on (have you ever tried to vent to someone who keeps trying to give you advice and all you want is someone who will listen to you?  Okay, I admit, I’m THAT person, I want to fix other people’s problems.  But whatevs, I digress).

This week has been a bit rough for me, not overall, mostly just in regards to my physical fitness level.  I have really beat myself up over it these past few days!

Now for those of you who know me well, you know that I’m notorious for my lack of coordination and athletic prowess (Raise you virtual electronic hand if you’ve seen me either a) run into a door or wall, or b) trip over my own feet while walking in an unobstructed, flat area).  Unfortunately, I often let myself become consumed by the words, “I can’t,” when it comes to physical fitness, and this week really tested me in that area. 

I’ve gone to the CrossFit gym everyday this week, and as we write our times and amounts of weight we lifted on the board, I begin comparing my numbers to everyone else’s.  (this can be demoralizing; don’t do it).  Not only did I see a bunch of numbers that were much better than mine, but everyone else could also see how much worse mine were.  Ugh.  But still, I walked out of the gym everyday telling myself that no one is judging, and improvement is what really matters.  And I’m really trying to believe both of these things.  I’m determined to beat this negative workout attitude I have, and it’s possible that today I might have had a mini breakthrough.

While doing our WOD today (Workout of the Day, for those of you who aren’t familiar with this particular acronym) - which consisted of about 1,000 lunges carrying overhead weight, a bajillion box jumps, and about 684.32 pull-ups - I just about had a breakdown.  I was swimming in my own sweat, feeling like I was going to vomit, and as I headed for the box to do more of the dreaded box jumps, using my legs that felt like nothing more than dead weight, the words “I can’t do this anymore” ran through my head again.   But then I had this thought, and it was a bit humbling for me.  I thought about the patients I take care of… you know, the ones who have lost one or both legs and/or one or both arms.  And I looked at that box and said, for the first time in a while, “you CAN do this.”  You see, I’ve spent so much time trying to be as good as everyone else that it’s actually hindered me being my personal best.  So no, I’m not a natural athlete (this is a fact, not a pessimistic statement), but you know what I am?  I’m a person with two legs and two arms that work!  That’s right, they work… and for the most part – minus the occasional run-in with a wall – they work pretty well.   Maybe my legs aren’t the fastest, and maybe my arms aren’t the strongest, but they are capable, and for this I am grateful!

Now don’t get me wrong, I know there will still be times when I feel inadequate and frustrated with my body, but I sincerely hope that every time I feel like I can’t do one more squat or one more dreaded pull-up, I’ll remember that some people would do anything for a second chance at legs or arms… even if they happened to be a little on the uncoordinated side.  :)