And just when you think all hope is lost...

Today I touched my toes.  Well, I almost touched my toes.  If I stretched really a lot and did a little damage to my hamstrings I touched my toes.  Which is, like, HUGE for me since I could barely reach past my knees after surgery!  I also consumed my body weight in Girl Scout Cookie ice cream, which is also huge for me, but in totally different, much less pleasant way.

Anyway, I’m writing today because I had an epiphany.  I was at work today preparing someone for surgery and going over all her paperwork with her, and consequently, this patient was having the exact same procedure I had.  I mentioned this to her, and she, clearly nervous, racked my brain for a solid 20 minutes with questions.  And then she asked me, “Did it help?”  My gut reaction was to say “No!  Run, and run fast (except for don’t really run since you are here because of a broken back, after all).”  But I stopped myself because I realized that it’s been about two weeks for me ALMOST pain free – to expect 100 percent relief from back pain I do believe, is unrealistic (and as a disclaimer, I’m still hesitant to even say all of this because I know how fickle my back can be, and being a bit superstitious, I don’t want to jinx it).  So I went on to tell the patient my experience, truly in hopes that she would have a better initial experience than I did, but preparing her for what might lie ahead.  And then when she left my office, I sat back and said a little prayer of thanks.

I am a self-proclaimed pessimist at times, and a skeptic most of the time.  So I had deep-rooted doubts that I would ever get better; doubts that I’m still dealing with, but am working on.  But these past couple of weeks have given me hope.  Hope that someday I might run again, and that someday, back pain won’t control me.  I am so very thankful for this! 

Hope is something I haven’t felt in a long time, and I’ve gotta say, it feels pretty dang good!